Home Plus

I really wouldn't call it a plus. I would call it a riot. Not as in funny, but as in "tear gas, police beat downs, and Abbie Hoffman taking a boot to the face from Pete Townshend" type of riot.
(But there are some funny things that happen).
This is South Korea's version of Super Target, Wal-Mart Supercenter (from what I have heard--don't really care too much for Wal-Mart), and/or any conglomerate where you buy your tires, deodorant, salad fixings, Chapstick type of place.
Only this is multi-stories.
And one can get lost.
And then go up the escalator the wrong way, then make an wrong turn, then run over a little kid, all while waiting for your sushi.
Chili.
I wanted chili.
I want William's Chili Seasoning.
Stewed (by someone other than me) Tomatoes.
Red Beans.
HOT peppers, not pepper paste.
WHITE onions, that don't squish when I check them.
(No, Veronica, this isn't whining. It's an observation. I'll remember the whining comment the next time you e-mail me with a music question. We'll see if Jennifer (if she's still alive--I haven't heard from her in a while) or Gavin can answer your question AND give you more information than your really want.)
So there.
I want a 'Helpful Smile in Every Aisle"----try to get that song out of your head, go ahead, try it.
I want Hy-Vee.
I want JoCo soccer moms with crying babies, screaming 8-year-olds, and the little girl standing in front of the candy section throwing a fit, while her mom takes every piece of candy off the rack, trying to satisfy little Devlin, Katlin or whatever her name is.
However.
I get the Korean version.
It sucks when you cannot understand everything they are saying.
You know what they're saying, you just don't know WHAT they're saying.
Get it? Good.
Home Plus is C-R-A-Z-Y.
That's putting it lightly.
You see, I have been grocery shopping since I was in High School.
Not because I was abandoned, but because I worked at Hy-Vee, therefore, I knew where everything was and could get in-and-out of there in no time.
Easy when Mom hands me a blank check.
(She still doesn't know I was adding to my baseball card collection. SHHHHH, don't tell her)
I like my grocery store structured.
I want everything where it should be.
I want canned veggies near canned fruit cocktail.
I want Hamburger Helper across from the salad dressing.
I want Argentinian Beef, even though we have the best beef in the world down the turnpike.
I want Hy-Vee Skim milk across from the sour cream.
I want the chips and pop in the same dang aisle.
I want to leisurely shop.
Down EVERY aisle.
I want to see the same Soccer mom with the same out-of-control kids in the Race car cart in every aisle I go down.
I miss that.
Home Plus doesn't afford me that luxury.
BUT.
It is the closest I will come to driving in this city.
So I got that going for me.
Nothing is where it is supposed to be.
Rather, where I want it to be.
And everything is in Korean.
The nerve.
Several times in my life I have been on the verge of a Nervous Breakdown.
(Usually when the Royals are mathematically eliminated from the playoffs, on April 7th.)
This trip to Home Plus had me looking down into the bastion of nerves, shaking, fetal position, and thumb sucking.
It had everything I described, but in Korean.
How am I to laugh and point?
Rolling your eyes in English doesn't have the same effect (or affect. Hell, I teach the language and I cannot even remember).
60,000 Won later, I had some chili fixins' that didn't measure up, but I got out of there without crying.<---Don't worry, Mom, I bought other things, too. But I forgot the Peanut Butter.
Or at least letting them see me cry.
Aisle after aisle, people running you over, getting in front of you, pushing me out of the way, hitting my heel with their cart <---reason number one as to why I will wear my boots shopping there NEXT time.
There is nothing structured about that place.
A freakin' madhouse.
Good for a laugh, though.
If this were JoCo, there would have been brawls and hair pulling.
Oh, NO, not here. There are more aisles dedicated to ramen noodles than anything else. Pictures?
Are you crazy?
My camera would have been knocked out of my hand, right Debby?
Box it yourself, if you can get to the boxing counter before the little old ladies.
Saturday afternoon.
AND no threat of snow.
Could you imagine if there was a forecast of snow?
The weathermen here don't own stock in grocery stores.
I made it out alive, barely.
I didn't suck my thumb, there at least.
I didn't cry, about that.
And I didn't hit anyone, although, I shoulda (family joke).
Next time you're in Seoul, since you all come over here soooooooo often, go on a Tuesday night.
Would ya?
Oh!
The chili was alright.